I came to a sudden realisation that i have braced myself through countless uneccassary break-ups with people in my mind to prepare for the real one that might or might not come. Why do i do that? When do i start doing that, even? Although i have a fair idea of what the answers might be.

It is almost similar to those frequent checks you do to see if you're still on track. If i think i am able to handle the loss, then i'm probably on track, that is not too much attachment yet. It's a complicated process. In short, i pretend to lose something that in fact i have not lost, see if i can survive that and determine if i should distance myself.

Well done, I have successfully made myself sound like a complete nut case.

 I've also came a really long way in being comfortable enough to really type how i feel. I think it is part of the acceptance of who i really am, although i thought i long past that. Maybe i no longer have anyone in my life right now that i am afraid to show this part of me to, or care enough to hide. Although sometimes i have to go through the longest process of picturing in my mind (and convincing myself) how if i ever scare anyone away, it wouldn't matter.