♥ Wednesday, April 05, 2017 @ 7:30 AM
One thing about depression that they've always missed is: it's not just that you can't get better, but you have no wish to. Because you don't see the point; you can't relate to what's waiting for you at the other side of the tunnel. There's nothing you want enough, anymore.
It simply doesn't matter.
Surreal
♥ Sunday, November 06, 2016 @ 7:41 PM
I'm here because I miss writing. But as always, writing is too much effort, so i'd rather type.
A few moments ago I was on my bed scrolling Facebook endlessly - a bad habit I need to kick, and something on my Facebook newsfeed caught my eye. At first, it sounded just like every other article that has gone viral; "losing my little brother" it said. But something about it made me paused for a moment. It didn't appear on my newsfeed because a friend of mine had shared the article. It appeared because a person I followed on Facebook has written that article.
Who is that? It was an unfamiliar face and name. Nonetheless I was curious enough to click into the blog article. Of course, it was sad story. I read about their tough childhood, difficult transition into adulthood, pain and depression. Heartbreaking. It was a long post, and i've skipped reading most of it. Because I didn't want to be too attached to the story? Because I didn't want to know?
The whole time when I was reading it, I thought to myself: this is real. This is real life. I am reading about somebody's life and her feelings.
When I went back to Facebook, I naturally clicked into her profile. Why had I followed her on Facebook? It's unlike me to follow someone I don't recognise.
Ah, the photos looked familiar. She's a photographer I've chanced upon long ago, and I'd fallen in love with her work -- soft, dreamy and mysterious. I remember reading her blog, seeing her photos on deviantart and tumblr. I don't remember following her on Facebook, but i must have liked her photography enough to had done so.
Surreal.
Life is indeed surreal.
It reminded me of the time when I heard the news about the shooting of Christina Grimmie. Was i at Starbucks, when Clement told me a singer just died. A fan shot her during her concert, he said. He didn't know who she was, but it sounded like a big news, he said. Christina Grimmie, he said. At first I wasn't sure. I have always been bad with names, but then again, it sounded really
really like a girl I knew from youtube. How many years ago has it been? I was back in my year 1... so that must have been about 6 years ago.
I've watched her sing on youtube. She was... so young. I vaguely remember her punk hairstyle and big voice. To be honest, I was never really a fan of her singing, but she's one to leave an impression. I might have followed her on youtube before, I can't remember for sure. But I never knew she joined The Voice. Never knew she've gotten so successful in her music career! Never thought that this would be the story when I hear her name again 6 years later...
Surreal.
How can it be that things like these are happening everyday, yet people still cling onto things that are empty, temporary and pointless? Chasing after nothingness? Why do we fight with people we love, over things that do not even matter? Why do we choose hate, when we can love?
♥ Monday, October 03, 2016 @ 7:56 AM
Alone I am
Alone I will be
Insomnia
♥ @ 12:14 AM
Maybe I wouldn't be able to sleep
From tonight onwards
Alone I would be
Just as how I was on every sleepless nights
Alone I would be
Every night, from tonight
Do you know?
One is the loneliest when awake
-- Unable to drift away
Even with your calm breathing next to me
Alone I would be, actually even more
Stuck in this reality
Unable to join you, and the rest of the world
In a parallel universe
Where everyday ends.
♥ Sunday, October 02, 2016 @ 8:50 PM
I'm so lonely.
But nobody likes a sad person.
Connected
♥ Tuesday, July 26, 2016 @ 8:43 AM
It's such a small world here. Everyone seems to be connected in some way or another - through a Friend, a relative, a community. It's quite cool to think that we are all forming a giant master web.
♥ Saturday, July 23, 2016 @ 12:22 AM
Just because I'm hard on myself, people become hard on me. They took my words for it, when I said I was lazy, that I was guilty, crazy etc.
We chose the people in our lives.
♥ Thursday, July 21, 2016 @ 10:29 PM
We continue to think in circles. Then of course, we continue to walk in circles too.
I remember coming to the same conclusion before.
I decided that if two person were so strongly connected, they create a magnetic force that will continue to pull them together. You see, I don't think that people were so much of being destined to meet, that some people were meant to teach you some things in life and then leave, and that there will be a person for everybody. What I believe is that some people complements you better than others. I believe in commitment. I believe in decisions and consequences. I believe that the person queueing before you in Starbucks did not become somebody in your life, but he could have.
I believe that everybody whom you let go of, could have stayed. But I also believe there is a reason for everything - not in a way where things were fated to be, but in a way where there must be a reason you chose to do what you did, or did not do. There was no right or wrong decisions. There were different options, that would have led to different endings.
Coming back to my point, if you met somebody you could connect deeply, and if the both of you continue to desire each other, there will be a force created around the two of you. Wherever you go and whatever you do, there are invisible strings pulling you back to her. This is why in a world so big, I run into you everywhere I go. We board the same buses coincidently, injured the same fourth toe on our right foot at the same time. Life pulled us together, because we wanted to be together.
When people part, it's as if they've used up their destiny. It make sense, now that the force is lacking fuel, it will eventually die. I imagine our fate as a long straight line stretching, eventually parts and then continues in the opposite direction. The tired hearts created a new force that now pushes away, so far that we exist in a parallel universe. Two lines going in an opposite direction can never meet. I never met you again, not even when we lived just a few blocks away from each other. Not when we share a busstop.
This made me realise that we meet many different people in a day, and we are likely to never see them again; that we never kept anyone in our lives by fate or chance. They are here, and we see some faces again and again, because we held onto them.
WhatsApp
♥ Friday, July 01, 2016 @ 9:07 AM
I just suddenly felt the need to type a post to appreciate WhatsApp. Now we take virtual interactions in real time for granted. Literally, I can snap a photo of what's happening around me and send it to my friends. That. Is. Incredible.
