So I've drank milk tea today and my heart is racing right now while I'm typing this post - I never seem to learn my lesson well.

Well, how should I start? The recent years have been simply... life changing.

First off, I've officially graduated from school. No longer a student! Till now, I have trouble processing what that means. Being a student has always been a big part of my identity, just as it is for every other Singaporean child. What does it mean to take that big piece out of my identity, I'm only starting to find out.

And then... I got a job. I remember being extremely stressed over finding one - like I was squeezing for a spot for myself in this world. I had difficulty understanding why are we spending more time working for a company which meant nothing to us, alongside with complete strangers whom I was sure I wouldn't like.

And then... I started working... and I liked it. Well, first half of it. I had a great boss, a great mentor, and I loved that I was learning something new everyday. I considered myself lucky, for finding a job in a startup, where exciting things happen. I work more than I should - working late and thinking about work before I sleep and when I wake. I know I get pretty obsessed with things.

And then... I didn't like it no more. My inability to work with certain kind of people came back to haunt me. Once again, people made it so damn hard... I struggled with myself. I dreaded work. I find it difficult to accept that my hard work is not as appreciated nor recognised as I hoped it would be. It came to a point where it's starting to be painful. And one day, I decided to leave.

Just like this, my plan to stay in the company for as long as I could, came to an end.

It hadn't been easy. It still isn't. As always, I let people affect me more than I should.

But this post isn't about that. This post, I want to talk about all the things I've gained from my first job. I've learnt so much about myself in this short 8 months, which I am so, so, so grateful for.

I learnt that I am so much better than I think. I discovered my talent and desire to create things. I realised there's so many things about myself I wish to work on, and that I never want to stop trying to be the best version of myself.

I learnt that I am defensive because I am not confident.

Right now, I'm really lucky to have found a new job even before my notice ends - and to be honest, I am terrified. I am scared the same problems will come back to haunt me. I am scared I can't live up to expectations. I am scared I cant be as driven as before. But at the same time, I find myself feeling... excited. So, I will find courage and start anew again - this time with more faith and confidence in myself.