We should have learnt from all the little things, so many times, that a strong urge to do something doesnt mean it's the right thing to do.

And i need to stop trying to control everything. Need to stop trying to make sense of everything. I just have this freaking sick need to get all the answers in the world. I think the answer might turn out to be depression.

So anyway, i told myself it is because now isn't a good time. Most of the time i told myself it's because you're saying all the wrong things. Although thoughtfully aware that you are still speaking, i didn't hear a word you say. Instead i pondered over dinner if there were any "right" words that could have changed everything. I had to come to this disheartening truth that there will not be any "right" words or any "right" timing. That is not your fault, but you are acting like it is. Don't you know that people will start to believe what it seems to be? Don't you know guilt is difficult to deal with? Don't you know that knowing what should be done has never made doing it easier?

I just want to stay here and type forever. Instead of taking a nap (which is what i've planned on doing once i get home), i can't help but find myself here, typing again. Sometimes i think i talk to myself too much, i don't know how to talk to people anymore. Again, i don't know if it's because i hate talking to people, thats why i rather talk to myself.

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Four hours have passed and i am typing random short stories in a Notepad named 'random'. Ha.

Okay, i really should get some sleep. My medicine is starting to kick in...............